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the best and the worst of motherhood

I have often felt that motherhood is basically taking your heart out of your chest and letting it exist outside you. It is the utmost level of vulnerability and therefore it not only is a blessing but it is also a curse.

This cant be more true then when you watch the show ‘intervention’. I was watching it last night( I don’t know why, since it always makes me so sad) but this lady’s son was addicted to meth, his mum would give him money because she didn’t want him to go out and rob people, which he still did anyway, and every time she would give him money, she would hold his hand and pray over him.

When you are on the outside looking in, the solution seems so simple. Put him out of the house, let him rob and call the police and have him arrested. I have actually watched one episode where the mum was living in the streets with her son because she just wanted to make sure he was safe and to know where he was at all times, not sitting at home wondering if he is still alive.

Yes the solutions to me were always so easy, but not since I became a mother. Being a mum has taught me that the world is not so black and white, just about all the things I had said I would never do when I become a mum I have ended up doing and those I had said I would do, I never have.

Motherhood has taught me that the are no easy answers to any situation, and you can never judge people until you walk in their shoes. It has taught me tolerance and forgiveness, not only to forgive those around me but to forgive myself for not having all the answers, for losing my temper when my toddler is getting on my nerves, to forgive myself for not being all that I thought I would be. And when I look at those mothers on intervention my heart breaks for them because their heart is existing outside of their selves and they have no control of what it does, all they can do is hope, pray that it can get better and meanwhile do what they think is right.