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marraige quote 2 I just read an article about what men are looking for in a wife. I am sorry if this sounds like a rant but it really disturbs and annoys me how there is always information for what women need to do to land a man, and how to keep a man, how to satisfy a man, how to not put your kids above your man and the amount of information on this topic is boundless. Granted its good to learn and share advice and information. But why is it always one sided??

Before I got married I had 2 bridal showers and one sit down with the women from my husband’s family. On all this occasions I was advised on what was expected of me as a wife. People shared their experiences and how they have dealt with different challenges that have come up, each person with their own version and idea of what makes marriage works and how to keep it happy. It was a lot of fun and a mind opening experience, especially hearing it from the older women. I believe it better prepeared me for the life ahead. It was made clear to me that the woman was the backbone of the family; she was responsible for the physical health and spirituality of her family. Meanwhile while I was getting all this talks and advice, all my husband got was a pat on the back, a congratulations and a beer.

So why do we put so much pressure on our women, and why is no one teaching our men? When did we lose the plot, I know in our African culture, after initiation, boys and girls would go into seclusion, this is where they were taught that they were no longer kids and had now grown up. They were taught what was expected of them as women and men. Men were taught that they as the head of the household had the responsibility to provide and protect the family. And women were taught how to nature. Somewhere along the way this focus on partnership has been lost, now it has become the sole purpose of a woman to make a marriage work, if your husband cheats on you it’s because you let yourself go, if your husband doesn’t provide it’s because you have emasculated him, if your husband doesn’t do any chores its because you are  taking over the role of the man, the list is endless of the number of things women are blamed for on a daily basis. I have no problem with advising women and teaching girls what is expected of them in a marriage, on the contrary I am all for it, but can we do the same for our young men? Can we have more men writing articles about marriage and relationships, can we have more relationship programs by men? Because in the end, it really does take two to have a happy, fulfilling, productive marriage. End of vent…..have a happy weekend people 🙂

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